Where I belong?

29 May

There is no doubt in my mind that my life as a young man was different from everyone else. I left Fresno well before I could enjoy the city as my own person; I depended on my parents to be able to enjoy the city. When I got to Yuma, there was nothing here. my first day in the “city”, I went to the South Gate “Hall” and played video games. I said to myself and later to my mom and dad that this place stinks.

Once I got into high school, I was able to enjoy myself a bit more. Being in band was fun. Then I became apart of the worship ministry at my uncles church, so I was in Mexicali every weekend. There I was, 15 years old, enjoying a city of over 1 million people, an amazing mall, and great friends. I belonged. But, as most things, I didn’t stay there long, but still, that time was amazing, it was fun and I felt that I belonged there.

I remember the first time I drove to Fresno on my own, I enjoyed the city the way I wanted to. I didn’t go crazy and go out to every club known to man, I was only 19. But, I got to go where I wanted, when I wanted. It was great. I also remember the first time I drove to San Diego on my own to spend the day at the beach, alone. No one knew that I was there. But, waking around, going to the different places, seeing the people and feeling like I belonged there. But I didn’t. There was something about that city, the “BIG” city that just drew me in. It was intoxicating.

I felt that same intoxication years later as I walked down 3rd street promenade in Santa Monica. I felt the same thing and feel the same thing every time I walk down Colorado Blvd. in Pasadena’s Old Town area. I feel as though that is where I belong. the fashion, the music, the culture. It something that my artistic heart desires, that my sense of “coolness” wants. Driving down the residential neighborhoods and looking at the houses feeling them call to me as though they need me to be their owner. I turn and ask my wife, “could we live here? Could we make it here?” As she says we could, I realize maybe that is where I belong. A place like that, a life like that. But then it dawns on me.

I know why I belong there and why I didn’t belong in the other places. The first thing, I am not an artist, I am a worshipper. My talent is for God and is satisfied in honoring Him with it more than culture and other “art” forms could satisfy. The there reason why I belong there is because I could be there with my family. MY FAMILY. My family is what I have created with my wife. Our relationship, our friendship. My family is our kids, both of them. Where they are, that is where I belong. No where else. Even if I have to endure 100 plus temperatures versus mid 80’s to mid 90’s as the high, I belong here because this is where my family is. I belong with them, I belong to them. I belong here. All the other things are secondary; the cycling community, the music, clothes, art, all that I can do without. I can not do without those 3 people that have changed my life. I belong here.

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